The Year of the Rubber Chicken Summary: Pudding Zyskowski finds a rubber chicken by accident one day and it changes her life.

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Part 1

PUDDING ZYSKOWSKI is taking the plunge

FROM: PZYSKOWSKI@NWCC.ORG

TO: FCHELSEA@HOTMAIL.COM

DATE: 11/3/2008 10:41 AM

SUBJECT: CUCKOO CLOCK

MESSAGE: Dear Mrs. Chelsea,

I have been assigned to work on your cuckoo clock that you brought into Nor'west Clock Company for maintenance. I was so excited! I think it's an extraordinary piece! Generally, there nothing seems to be out of whack. Maybe a few touch ups in the paint here and there, but otherwise I can't find anything that needs realigning at all. I was wondering, however, if you might be interested in making some improvements to the clock. Currently there are only two chains which indicate weights for the clock and for the cuckoo. However there is room in the clock for the addition of a third chain, which with bellows, could add the sound to clock as well, besides just the chiming. I have always been very interested in cuckoo clocks, and this would be a great opportunity to perform some amazing work. If you're not interested, we can certainly accomodate that as well.

Thanks very much for your time,

 P. Zyskowski

AIM IM with alg3840 11/3/08 12:55 PM

alg3840: hey

muddledpudding: hey

alg3840: so hows it going?

muddledpudding: fine

muddledpudding: you?

alg3840: alright

1:30 PM

alg3840: so whats going on at work?

alg3840: world domination?

muddledpudding: no, just trying to make some improvements to the cuckoo clock that came in

muddledpudding: OE is being uptight

alg3840: as usual

muddledpudding: of course

muddledpudding: i have ideas, and want to contribute to the company, but i get slammed down

muddledpudding: no this, no that

muddledpudding: im the only girl here, im stuck in a building full of uptight men who sit all day eating and sleeping clocks, and all they can think about is time

alg3840: sounds like the IT department here

muddledpudding: how about you? any luck with the microsoft stuff?

alg3840: meh

alg3840: i got to the second interview. but then they said they really couldnt take anyone on right now

muddledpudding: too bad. then you couldve moved to seattle

alg3840: yeah, oh well

alg3840: ill keep looking, i hate it here. id be interested in coming out to the west coast sometime

muddledpudding: just let me know. i have a couch

muddledpudding: unless of course, youre really a serial killer or something

alg3840: what?!?

muddledpudding: well how do i know who you really are? weve only ever IMd.

muddledpudding: for all i know youre a crazy cat lady from texas who wants company

alg3840: whatev

1:56 PM

PUDDING ZYSKOWSKI is waiting for an email

MUDDLEDPUDDING TWEET: A weather multiplies. 3:15 PM Nov 3 from web

MUDDLEDPUDDING TWEET: why do i have to sit here fixing BORING clocks when i could be fixing a really cool one? 4:32 PM Nov 3 from web

FROM: FCHELSEA@HOTMAIL.COM

TO: PZYSKOWSKI@NWCC.ORG

DATE: 11/3/2008 6:04 PM

SUBJECT: RE: CUCKOO CLOCK

MESSAGE: Ms. Zyskowski,

Thank you so much for your lovely email! I was so surprised to hear from anyone. It had never even occurred to me that my cuckoo clock didn't make any sound. Nor did it ever occur that I could or should have anything done about it. I think I will take you up on the offer. Please make my clock sing!

Since you were so enthusiastic about the clock in the first place, I thought you might be interested to learn its history. We believe its journey started somewhere in Europe in the early 1800's. At some point it made its way to America, and so the legend goes, to South Carolina. It was almost lost during the Civil War, but was small enough to fit with our fmily as they traveled west, eventually settling in the Seattle area.

The last family member to have it before me was my Great Aunt Melantha Gribbling. Aunt Melantha lived on Bainbridge Island and was a wonderful woman, full of charity and good will. She would save up money every year, and around December she would go around looking for people to help. She would take the ferry over to Seattle. Aunt Melantha bought food and clothes, hotel rooms, and toys for people that she met and felt were in need.

Tragically, one night she was coming back on the ferry and was stabbed to death. We believe they were intending to rob her, but she had no money left that particular night. She died in vain. I was her only family, so her possessions and estate (including the clock) came to me. I was living in Texas at the time, and needed a change, so decided to move into her house on Bainbridge. It's a lovely place and I love the Northwest.

Anyways, thanks so much for brightening my day with your email. If you're ever in Bainbridge let me know.

-Francis

PUDDING ZYSKOWSKI and Henrietta are smiling . . .

MUDDLEDPUDDING TWEET: i just had a thought, if chickens dont have lips can they smile? 11:21 PM Nov 3 from web

FROM: PZYSKOWSKI@NWCC.ORG

TO: OEXTREMIST@NWCC.ORG

DATE: 11/4/2008 8:00 AM

SUBJECT: FWD: RE: CUCKOO CLOCK

MESSAGE: Operational Extremist,

I'm sorry for any rudeness in my actions. But I felt compelled to email Ms. Chelsea about her clock. I was just interested in adding a third chain and bellow so that the clock would make a noise along with the action of the cuckoo. Ms. Chelsea is very interested in the additions, and provided a great history to the clock. I thought you might be interested. I've attached the email below. I'm going to begin working on the clock today.

Thanks,

P. Zyskowski

-------------- Begin Forwarded Message -------------

FROM: FCHELSEA@HOTMAIL.COM

TO: PZYSKOWSKI@NWCC.ORG

DATE: 11/3/2008 6:04 PM

SUBJECT: RE: CUCKOO CLOCK

MESSAGE: Ms. Zyskowski,

Thank you so much for your lovely email . . . .

MUDDLEDPUDDING TWEET: raiding the company accounts for an adress. am i a stalker? 8:15 AM Nov 4 from web

FROM: OEXTREMIST@NWCC.ORG

TO: PZYSKOWSKI@NWCC.ORG

DATE: 11/4/2008 8:39 AM

SUBJECT: MEETING

MESSAGE: Ms. Zyzkowski,

Please come to my office when you have a chance. Preferrably at 11am. See you then.

Sincerely,

OExtremist

PUDDING ZYSKOWSKI is seriously going to get fired

NOR'WEST CLOCK COMPANY EMPLOYEE DISCIPLINE FORM

EMPLOYEES NAME: Pudding Zyskowski

DATE OF CONVERSATION: November 4, 2008

SPECIFIC RULE VIOLATION OR PERFORMANCE PROBLEM: Disobedience

PREVIOUS CONVERSATIONS ABOUT THE RULE VIOLATION OR PERFORMANCE PROBLEM: Ms. Zyskowski was directly told not to contact a customer but did so anyway.

SPECIFIC CHANGE IN THE EMPLOYEE'S PERFORMANCE OR BEHAVIOR THAT IS EXPECTED: Ms. Zyskowski will let the customer know that we will be unable to make any additions or changes to her clock other than the original repairs requested. Ms. Zyskowski will not be contacting customers directly from this point forward her may be subject to termination.

EMPLOYEE COMMENTS:

I will be contacting Ms. Chelsea, but not to tell her that I cannot make any changes to her clock. You don't even know her name. What kind of customer service is this? Shouldn't we please the customer? I will help Ms. Chelsea.

I will not contact the customer.

EMPLOYEE SIGNITURE: Pudding Zyskowski

MANAGER SIGNITURE: Operational Extremist

NOR'WEST CLOCK COMPANY OFFICIAL DOCUMENT: Tempus Rerum Imperator

MUDDLEDPUDDING TWEET: what kind of right does he have, who does he think he is? but of course, he knows best and he knows all, we all bow to Operational Extremist 1:47 PM Nov 4 from web

MUDDLEDPUDDING TWEET: he said her story was fake, that nobody can really tell the history of a clock and usually the stories are blown out of proportion by time 1:48 PM Nov 4 from web

MUDDLEDPUDDING TWEET: TIME! 1:48 PM Nov 4 from web

MUDDLEDPUDDING TWEET: i'll imperator his tempus rerum 1:49 PM Nov 4 from web

PUDDING ZYSKOWSKI is looking for a way out

MUDDLEDPUDDING TWEET: i keep staring at henry. i feel like she has the answer. 1:52 PM Nov 4 from web

PUDDING ZYSKOWSKI might be doomed

MUDDLEDPUDDING TWEET: everything changed that fateful day. its so cliche! am i living in a hallmark movie? 3:55 PM Nov 4 from web

PUDDING ZYSKOWSKI is not quite sure what to do 10:15 PM Nov 4 from web

FROM: OEXTREMIST@NWCC.ORG

TO: PZYSKOWSKI@NWCC.ORG

DATE: 11/5/2008 6:19 AM

SUBJECT: CUCKOO CLOCK

MESSAGE: Ms. Zyzkowski,

I am going to take over repairs on the cuckoo clock. Please bring it to my office when you get into work.

Sincerely,

OExtremist

MUDDLED PUDDING TWEET: Oh boy a man astounds! 3:45 AM Nov 6 from phone

Part 2

POSTMARK BOZEMAN, MT

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 7, 2008

Hi Francis, this is Pudding from the clock company. I know this seems weird, but I grabbed your address before leaving. I'm traveling the country and right now am in Montana. I hope that you don't mind if I write to you, I don't have anyone else.

-Pudding

From: 4201 Roosevelt Way Apt #2

Seattle, WA 98105

POSTMARK BOZEMAN, MT

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 8, 2008

Decided to spend a couple of days in Bozeman. Enjoying the snow. Montana is beautiful country. Henrietta and I are loving the downtown area. Henrietta is my chicken, by the way. A rubber chicken, rather.

-Pudding

From: 4201 Roosevelt Way Apt #2

Seattle, WA 98105

GRAVE RUBBINGS - SUNSET HILLS CEMETERY - BOZEMAN, MT

EFFIE JEAN ROBINSON 

1897-1922

TOOTHLESS NELL (Alice Chambers)

HENRY COMSTOCK

1914 - 1983

ANNA WALLACE

1919 - 1995

The children of Israel wanted bread

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 10, 2008

The west is amazing country. I spent yesterday driving through southern Montana and Wyoming. I know why it's called Big Sky Country. So expansive. Henrietta can't understand how open and rare it is. I agree. What an awesome part of the world. The only thing in Sundance is the hotel I found, a diner, and a small football field for the local school.

-Pudding

From: 4201 Roosevelt Way Apt #2

Seattle, WA 98105

POSTMARK IMLAY, SD

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 11, 2008

The snow is making it hard to travel. I might try heading south soon. I've been exploring Badlands National Park. A lot of the park has been closed off due to snow, but there's still a good bit you can get to. Henrietta and I went on a short hike.

-Pudding

From: 4201 Roosevelt Way Apt #2

Seattle, WA 98105

POSTMARK Sioux Falls, SD

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 13, 2008

I stopped in Sioux Falls for the night. I want to go to Milwaukie but couldn't make it all the way, especially with the snow. I hear there's a corpse flower blooming at their museum. Most of South Dakota is pointless to visit. Grey, white and brown. That's it. Henrietta and I are glad to be nearly out.

-Pudding

From: 4201 Roosevelt Way Apt #2

Seattle, WA 98105

POSTMARK Milwaukee, WI

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 14, 2008

We saw the flower! How crazy! It blooms once every six years. And the smell! It's awful. You can't imagine, I wish the card had smell-o-vision or a scratch and sniff or something. Henrietta almost roffled. Hilarious!

-Pudding

From: 4201 Roosevelt Way Apt #2

Seattle, WA 98105

POSTMARK Milwaukee, WI

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 15, 2008

Definitely think I'm going to head south today. Maybe Lousianna or Florida? Something without snow and cold, I know that. It doesn't get that cold in Seattle and it certainly doesn't snow. I think it may take a day or two to get down. And who knows, maybe we'll find something interesting to stop and see on the way.

-Pudding

From: 4201 Roosevelt Way Apt #2

Seattle, WA 98105

POSTMARK Possum Trot, KY

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 18, 2008

Tragedy! Two days ago we were headed south on I-24 and got stuck in the snow. I was totally unprepared. I thought it might be the end. My car wasn't working, it was cold, there was snow. But we were saved by a nice guy named Rastus Sominy. What a wonderful man! He towed my car home and I've been staying at his house while figure out what's going on with my car.

-Pudding

From: 4201 Roosevelt Way Apt #2

Seattle, WA 98105

POSTMARK Possum Trot, KY

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 20, 2008

I don't know when or if my car will be fixed. Rastus says he might need to order a part or something. He's going to go to a nearby town to see if anyone has anything there. I've been spending more time with his wife Jessica. They are a cute couple, young and hardworking. It's so interesting to watch their dynamic. Tomorrow I will explore what there is to the town of Possum Trot . . .

-Pudding

From: 757 Shar Cal Rd

Possum Trot, KY 34335

POSTMARK Possum Trot, KY

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 21, 2008

So there's not much to Possum Trot. But there's a lot to Rastus and Jessica's farm. Jessica showed me how to feed the chickens and do a little tending to their greenhouse. The rest of the farm is under a blanket of snow. I may be here for a while. Rastus could not find the part in Monkey's Elbow. That's right, the town's name is MONKEY'S ELBOW! Look for it on the map, I'm so serious. (Not that Possum Trot is any more believable.)

 -Pudding

From: 757 Shar Cal Rd

Possum Trot, KY 34335

POSTMARK Possum Trot, KY

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 22, 2008

Did you know that people still do their own canning and stuff? Jessica is amazing! Earlier in the fall she canned all of these tomatoes and beans and squash and peppers. All from her own garden. I've enjoyed Jessica's company, and I think she's been happy to have some as well. She is a stay at home wife and Rastus works at several farms around the area. Astonishingly they supply most of what they need themselves and are almost self sustainable.

-Pudding

From: 757 Shar Cal Rd

Possum Trot, KY 34335

POSTMARK Possum Trot, KY

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 26, 2008

I can't begin to describe how gracious Rastus and Jessica have been. I just celebrated Thanksgiving with them. I've never really had a nice Thanksgiving. They said they like it, too because it's like having a family of their own. Of course they have a huge family! After our own dinner we went both to see and eat at both Jessica's parents and Rastus'. I have never felt wanted until today.

-Pudding

From: 757 Shar Cal Rd

Possum Trot, KY 34335

POSTMARK Possum Trot, KY

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 27, 2008

Rastus says there's a cemetery nearby. I'd like to go and look, get some more grave rubbings. It should be interesting. Still eating left overs from turkey day. It's better the next day.

-Pudding

From: 757 Shar Cal Rd

Possum Trot, KY 34335

POSTMARK Bainbridge Island, WA

TO: Pudding Zyskowski

 757 Shar Cal Rd

 Possum Trot, KY 34335

 Nov 20, 2008

 Dear Pudding,

 Thank you so much for your postcards! It's been a real joy being able to read about your adventures. I don't know whether you're still in Possum Trot, but I wouldn't have anywhere else to send it anyway. I've never done a lot of traveling. Just Texas and here in Bainbridge. I appreciate your help with the clock. I haven't gotten it yet, but hopefully it will come soon. Thank you so much.

Your letters have really been lovely. I've never really made any friends here. I moved during this weird transition period in the Island. People moving in from Microsoft and the suburbs. This angered all of the long time residents. Of course I get lumped in to that category. None of the long term residents like me, and I don't like all of the uppity people who moved in. No relatives. So I don't really have anyone. Just sitting on this rainy island. I get so excited when I get one of your postcards. It really makes my day. I can't wait to get more.

Sincerely,

Francis

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

POSTMARK Possum Trot, KY

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron LN

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Nov 30, 2008

I'm still getting used to snow. Snow is a problem. We only get snow in Seattle every once and a while, but not like here. It's insane. I can't believe how much is lying around. And it keeps falling, and it's such a hassle. I mean, seriously? I want my car to be fixed so I can get away, but at the same time I would dearly miss Rastus and Jessica.

-Pudding

From: 757 Shar Cal Rd

Possum Trot, KY 34335

POSTMARK Possum Trot, KY

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Dec 3, 2008

Can you believe it is already December? I did get my car part, by the way. Rastus has my car all ready to go. But I've been stalling. We went ice skating the other day. I've never been before. I also introduced Rastus and Jessica to tea. They've never had any before, just coffee. Not like there's good tea on Possum Trot, though. Ha! You won't find a Whole Foods or People's Coop here. There's a plaid pantry and a 7/11. Yikes. No wonder Rastus and Jessica supply most of their own stuff. I wouldn't want to get anything from there either, haha.

-Pudding

From: 757 Shar Cal Rd

Possum Trot, KY 34335

POSTMARK Possum Trot, KY

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Dec 5, 2008

Francis,

I met the most interesting man today. Jessica tells me is the resident village idiot of Possum Trot. His name is Charlie, but he believes that he is Abraham Lincoln. He wears his facial hair like Lincoln and dresses like him. I asked her why he's not committed or something. She said he doesn't bother anyone and no one bothers him. How peculiar! I wonder what it's like to totally be in another dimension. To not even realize that you are the only one out of whack. But maybe he is the only one in the right place, and we're all out of whack. Amazing!

I've been going through technology withdraws myself. Rastus and Jessica just got a computer, but they don't have internet or TV. It never even occurred to me that people wouldn't have TVs with 500 channels these days. Do you have a TV, Francis? I would assume that you would, but now that I've met people who don't, maybe I'm wrong? I realize now how really hooked I was on my computer and my phone, which I haven't turned on either. Not like anyone would want to get in touch with me anyway. But I was always on it! Sending tweets and IMing. That was all I did. I was lonely and so I chatted to imaginary people on the computer. How awful is that! Jessica says I shouldn't worry about it and enjoy my break. But I don't feel like I need it now because I have Jessica for company.

I've decided I should just duke it out with my old boss, the Operational Extremist. That's really what needs to happen. Just put us in the middle of a boxing ring, let us go at it and we can settle it once and for all. He's a frail old man. I could totally whip him. I'll let you know when the match will be!

-Pudding

From: 757 Shar Cal Rd

Possum Trot, KY 34335

POSTMARK Possum Trot, KY

TO: Francis Chelsea

118 Madron Ln

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Dec 8, 2008

I got to go to the cemetery today but it was very small. I saw a great headstone, though. The name had rubbed off, or maybe was never there to begin with, but you could barely see "First I wasn't, then I was, now I ain't no more".

FROM: D_MARK15@VIRGILIO.IT

 TO: MUDDLEDPUDDING@GMAIL.COM

 

 DATE: 1/1/2008 12:01 AM             SUBJECT: Please Help

 MESSAGE:

 Dear Sir/M,

I am Mr.David Mark. an Auditor of a BANK OF THE NORTH INTERNATIONAL,ABUJA (FCT). I have 
the courage to Crave indulgence for this important business believing that you will never let me down 
either now or in the future. Some years ago, an American Mining consultant/ contractor with the Nigeria 
National Petroleum Corporation, made a numbered time (fixed)deposit for twelve calendar months, 
valued M.USD (TWELVE MILLION US DOLLARS) in an account. On maturity, The bank sent a routine 
notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, The bank sent another reminder 
and finally his contract employers, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation wrote to inform the bank 
that he died without MAKING A WILL, and all attempts by the American Embassy to trace his next of kin 
was fruitless. I therefore, made further investigation and discovered that the beneficiary was an 
immigrant from Jamaica and only recently obtained American citizenship. He did not declare any kin or 
relations in all his official documents, including his Bank deposit paper work. This money total amount
M.USD ( TWELVE MILLION US DOLLARS)is still sitting in my bank as dormant Account. No one will 
ever come forward to claim it, and according to Nigerian Banking policy, after some years, the  money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian Government if the account owner is certified dead. 

This is the situation, and my proposal is that I am looking for a foreigner who will stand in as the next 

of kin to beneficiary, and OPEN a Bank Account abroad to facilitate the transfer of this money. This is 

simple, all you have to do is to OPEN an account anywhere in the world and send me its detail for me 

to arrange the proper money transfer paperwork, and facilitate the transfer.The money will then be 

paid into this Account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me, 35 % for you and 5% for expenses 

that might come up during transfer process. There is no risk at all, and all the paper work for this 

transaction will be done by me using my position and connections in the banks in Nigeria. 

This business transaction is guaranteed.And the first phase of the transfer will be (M.USD) 

FOUR MILLION DOLLARS as advised by our insider in the bank. 

If you are interested, please reply immediately through my personal email sending

the following details: (1) Your Full Name/Address (2) Your Private Telephone/fax

Number. Please observe the utmost confidentiality, and be rest assured that this

transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your

assistance to invest some of my share in your country. I look forward to your

earliest reply. Yours,

Mr. David Mark.


FROM: OUTOFHAPPY@GMAIL.COM